you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
