Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
