how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
