I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
