so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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