I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
