She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
