Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
