I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
