Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
