it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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