So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
