Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
