OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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