she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
