I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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