I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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