i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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