Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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