So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
