I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
