Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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