I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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