i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
