Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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