i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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