I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My day in three words: secret purse cake
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
