Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
