just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
