It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
