thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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