Cold hands, warm shart.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
