Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
