i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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