Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
