im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
operation have a gay friend backfired
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm at about main and main street
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
