The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
