ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
