I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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