I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
