i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
