every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
