Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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