Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
