I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
