Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
