dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
