its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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