I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
