Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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