I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
