oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
